I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
