Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
