went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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