when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
