OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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