I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I want to have your abortion
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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