What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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