guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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