So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i drank out of a bidet.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
