just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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