I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
