the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
