i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She said her name was "party"
I am spending my child support on dildos
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
