now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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