Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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