On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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