Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
