whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
