theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
