don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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