ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
