i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
