Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
