so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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