I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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