dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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