your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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