I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
