His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
