So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
