Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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