Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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