where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
