P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
