What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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