Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
