I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
