I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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