he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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