Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
