just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
