i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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