I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
