Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
