I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
