Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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