He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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