I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
