We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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