Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
