i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
