A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
