Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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