I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
