I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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