Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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