Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you had me at cake vodka
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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