After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's the barista slut.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am one with the molecules
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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