Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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