What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
