I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
