so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Randomize
