I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
