You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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