I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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