she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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