i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
