I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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