i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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