babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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