Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
