My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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