do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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