I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
