I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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