I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
