That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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