either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passed out mid-signature
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
