I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
