addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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