white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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