Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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