I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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