I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
