My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
