i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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